Dream. 1.28.12

I was looking for a place to live. There was a house that looked pretty run-down, but like it had been really gorgeous about 50 years ago. It had a 2br/1ba apartment inside for rent for a disconcerting $495/month, and I think Kirsten Dunst was the homeowner. It had a sub-sign on the sign that said STUBBORN in big, red letters. I guess to alert folks not to try finagle the price down or something. Stubborn… hmm…

I guess in pursuit of more information on this apartment, I followed Kirsten Dunst various places, like to her synchronized swimming practice in a very murky lake. I got in, too. I would swim under all of them and look up at their bodies floating, twirling, kicking, but the water was so dark and I was afraid of how deep it might be. I tried to float, too, which I have never been good at. I’m a great swimmer, I even won a trophy (imagine what a swimming trophy would have to look like…), but I couldn’t float and started to sink. I swam under this black girl and by doing so, sucked her under with the current. She started flailing, and I helped push her back up. But then I exhaled to reduce my buoyancy and test the depths. I hit the sandy bottom sooner than I expected, about 25 feet down. The pressure down there was greater with all that water above me, and I realized how much more difficult it would be to swim back up, especially with no air in my lungs. I also didn’t account for the amount of time it would take to reach the surface, even without considering the energy expenditure. I have only felt that moment of panic a few times before in my life, in deep swimming pools where you’re swimming up from the bottom and you’re out of breath and you aren’t sure if you’re going to make it. I had this assumption that I would, like I was watching a movie of my life, where everyone lives and nothing really goes wrong, and the main character never dies. I thought, “You’re thinking about tomorrow and your possessions and your friends as if there’s some guarantee you’ll see it all again, but it’s looking more like you’re going to die right now.” I tried to push the water down around me so hard, but it was too deep, and I either died or woke up or both.